here we are, backs turned, nervously snickering, and on the brink of what we wryly foretold in those 'futurisitic' and b movies, and so lost are we that we haven't even noticed, nor do we beleive the state of the planet, and the 'societies', and the 'killing field' of the human heart, the acres and acres of sadness that we sow and reap....we still think we are watching a silly b movie.

so we gladden and congratulate ourselves with complaint (see!!!) and congratulate our ignorance and with alacrity and spasmodically hurl blame with all our might, praying it will find a mark, any mark, mark...

and you and i live on the brink, on the fringes of the hearts of this beautiful evil, these nations over god, playing god while chucking pieces of his flesh into satan's furnace for our paycheck, and payback what we are owed, for we WERE promised, and we WILL collect our due, what were due, and, see, what we do to gettour-due, shield with smoke what might be true. it is up to him, not up to you.

yes, my friend...top of the month, i spent 9 days in tucson, az, working a gem and jewlery trade show. helping a friend, who has a jewlery company in bangkok, and making my rent this month. and all at once, i worked, and re-recognized all of my addictions, and why, and removed that suit of clothing (tho the closet is never far), and realized those impulsive-compulses ARE for the purpose of hiding....from facing the truth, dealing with others, speaking truth and meaning...the facades we have relied on for centuries are crumbling, and we are naked and fat and ugly, the makeup smeared and stenching, our flesh sploched and pocked, our smiles crooked and breath fetted.

my current project launched on jan 27th at the annual 12-hour music concert in celebration of saraswati. "mary's dream", at present a musical trio - uku and vocals, clarinet and vocal, and double bass and vocals, will expand (should be this month)into an multi disciplinary performance series, featurning short stories told by different means, directed and performed by different performers, linked together by the similarities, the coincidences of place time character, etc....of life. we seem to have our first performance gig on March 23rd. blogs, and demos on the web quite soon.

i was featured at a poetry gathering in late january....and have realized that the time for my stories has dawned, and the time for me to come out and bloom is now, and the time for my voice to be heard has come.

i will be dancing for a band, think 13, who will have a cd release party in fri, april 13. we are currently in rehearsals. art modelling, and rehearsing. speaking. writing. playing. planning organizing. callibrating. creating, reconstituting, chopping, dicing, cooking, and strumming. this is my life. i cry regularly and often. the 'beauty' was my new first love whom i met in august of '05. she who had travelled to india and thailand and the us to be with me, and our time had completed it's course, and like a metoerite orbiting, building speed, complete unawares of it's course, it crashed and buried itself deep in the killing fields of love.....penning a new chapter in the annals of that encyclopedia