What's the pharase?

"Bang"
...Enlightenment...
drifting, shifting, alighting,
still fighting?
still thinkin' gone' be aw-right in a minute or two~fold,
check pockets, they do hold
the keys
to the doors
to rooms without floors, see

them wall they caved in till they smashed down on your sin:

the ceiling, you know, spun it's way home,

"GOtta GO!" it said firmly,

while escaping the tyranny of the bed!
Now, this room lacks a ceiling, four walls and a floor,

so we sit here and ponder, "Why the hells there a door?"
...with a key and the hinges connected to what?!?!?!?

like the room, you're so empty, but what to put in your cup?
wanna rip it apart, but there's nothing to hold,
so you flit-float around like a piece of space~mold...
DUck in here,
sprint to there,
but theres nowhere to hide,

this room is your...heh..., and thats you, trapped inside...

here we are, backs turned, nervously snickering, and on the brink of what we wryly foretold in those 'futurisitic' and b movies, and so lost are we that we haven't even noticed, nor do we beleive the state of the planet, and the 'societies', and the 'killing field' of the human heart, the acres and acres of sadness that we sow and reap....we still think we are watching a silly b movie.

so we gladden and congratulate ourselves with complaint (see!!!) and congratulate our ignorance and with alacrity and spasmodically hurl blame with all our might, praying it will find a mark, any mark, mark...

and you and i live on the brink, on the fringes of the hearts of this beautiful evil, these nations over god, playing god while chucking pieces of his flesh into satan's furnace for our paycheck, and payback what we are owed, for we WERE promised, and we WILL collect our due, what were due, and, see, what we do to gettour-due, shield with smoke what might be true. it is up to him, not up to you.

yes, my friend...top of the month, i spent 9 days in tucson, az, working a gem and jewlery trade show. helping a friend, who has a jewlery company in bangkok, and making my rent this month. and all at once, i worked, and re-recognized all of my addictions, and why, and removed that suit of clothing (tho the closet is never far), and realized those impulsive-compulses ARE for the purpose of hiding....from facing the truth, dealing with others, speaking truth and meaning...the facades we have relied on for centuries are crumbling, and we are naked and fat and ugly, the makeup smeared and stenching, our flesh sploched and pocked, our smiles crooked and breath fetted.

my current project launched on jan 27th at the annual 12-hour music concert in celebration of saraswati. "mary's dream", at present a musical trio - uku and vocals, clarinet and vocal, and double bass and vocals, will expand (should be this month)into an multi disciplinary performance series, featurning short stories told by different means, directed and performed by different performers, linked together by the similarities, the coincidences of place time character, etc....of life. we seem to have our first performance gig on March 23rd. blogs, and demos on the web quite soon.

i was featured at a poetry gathering in late january....and have realized that the time for my stories has dawned, and the time for me to come out and bloom is now, and the time for my voice to be heard has come.

i will be dancing for a band, think 13, who will have a cd release party in fri, april 13. we are currently in rehearsals. art modelling, and rehearsing. speaking. writing. playing. planning organizing. callibrating. creating, reconstituting, chopping, dicing, cooking, and strumming. this is my life. i cry regularly and often. the 'beauty' was my new first love whom i met in august of '05. she who had travelled to india and thailand and the us to be with me, and our time had completed it's course, and like a metoerite orbiting, building speed, complete unawares of it's course, it crashed and buried itself deep in the killing fields of love.....penning a new chapter in the annals of that encyclopedia

HOld on! i wanna show u something!
it's select, and chronological photos from the Global Ukulele Odyssey!
1St. destination: Taiwan

On the way outta town, my trio, The Rabid Bunnies, did a benefit at DaSilva Uku Studio, where i did the world's first ukulele handstand...

At the Dream Community, i appeared at the Tree Cafe, here with the fabulous Celeste on vox...


above: clowning upside down, and rockin' the world's tallest building, Taipei 101
left: rockin' with Rabbit







oNsTaGe with "7-11 Disposable Love Clinic"




jamming with Sari (with horn), the musical director of Circus Contraption (above)at my old friend Maurice's (in horns) birthday party...and (left) at Dream Herb in south Taiwan at my birthday party...
that month, i moved to the farm, Dream Herb, and performed daily solo lunch concerts, and clowned on weekends



sELecT imagaes from the Dream Parade...

farewell, thailand...look out 'mericaw'

bAnGkOk eScArGoT
The weekend before I arrived, there were massive demonstrations to oust the greedy mother fucker prime minister. It worked, and now they are restructuring the government, as well as writing a new constitution. Apparently, this happens every several years!

LunGE monkey, my local performance troupe, will launch our show “sOrRy I’M late!” next week. With 8 thai guys (3 pupeteers, 3 mimes, 2 musicians), an American clowness, and me, we explore family, ironic oxymoronism, paradox, fathoming the unfathomable, cArRots, abandonment, seeing the unseen, singing the unsung, killing the dead, etc., all performed within and in proximity to a giant 3X6 metre television. I play the baby. It’s weird. The show runs from june 6 thru… july or august or….

this rabbit, happy, is one of my roomates

here in bangkok, having been charged with training artists, creating, directing and performing a show: i find am frustrated, sad, lonley, misunderstood, etc. it is one of the hardest things i have done, but not for the obvious reasons.
an entry from Tue, 16 May 2006 04:29:06:
and today, again, i feel there is an implicit sadness floating around...
for lately i feel often a very deep sadness weighting me down, and yet, it is not mine. all i can recon is that it is in the air here. the longer i stay here, the more of 'what lies beneath the surface' reveals itself to me: by that i mean, what is in the deep darkness of peoples lives, (everything that they don't show in front of others or in public). i just seem to absorb that shit! its whackd! which brings me to my own darkness, for within the depths of this sadness that i am experiencing, i am inexplicably faced with facing my own demons...and i thought i had done so, but, OOPS! i forgot!; one must constantly do this work. facing demons is not a one time job. as in any relationship, it takes attention, and care.

me? what do i feel, you ask? fear. i feel fear..when i cannot feel myself, like floating without a body or feeling that i recognize. lonliness. when i can have no friends, or intimacy relations - there is no-one here that i can really talk to, to share with.. anger. at the extent with which so many people are so blind and just go about their lives not realizing the implications of their actions. );

so, i remember: the still point, and slowly try to realize what all of this means in relation to my life...i never said i 'didn't like bangkok'..the fact is, iam at odds with it. it makes me face things about myself...i think i am finally facing the anamoly of my relationship with woman.


and besides, the level and style of supression here is so much more refined here, that for me, it crept under my skin slowly, braced it's rotten tentacles about my sinews and ever so gently began knawing, slobbering it's slimey poison about my bloodstream...until i could identify the little (hah!) bugger and rock it to sleep, within myself, anyway. the rest of
the population is another story.

then today, i realized, yet again, that i am full of fear.fear of leading, fear of following, fear of failing, fear of succeeding, fear of crowds, fear of alone, fear of responsability, fear of no responsabilities, far of the manifestations of my contempt for humanity (whm i love more than life itself), fear of the apparent apathy that washes over that contempt, etc.....

to be honest, it is really going somewhere: i, today, feel as though i am awakening from anesthecization after undergoing spiritual surgery...funny, the producer of this event, which will run for 8 weeks, playing on university campuses throughout bangkok, is a reformed surgeon. very interesting chap who runs a consulting business, and hires artists to make events. he was also the producer of the hOOntoWn festival in which i accompanied puppet shows last december.
may be time to write a book and Manifest a functional religion